Today is the day. Thomas is off to his first day of full time work. He's been gone for less than 5 minutes and I already miss him. I feel myself starting to cry. My stomach turning over. What will I do alone? What will happen on my personal journey? Now is the time for me to find myself and work towards my own goals. For the record, we've spent almost all our time together for over 5 years. We hit 10,000 hours of face to face conversation over a year ago.
Over the past 10 weeks Thomas and I have spent all day, every day together. Thomas had broken his leg and couldn't walk or work (as a bus driver, his previous job). We were just in separate rooms sometimes, but I could always walk into the living room and see him. It was really hard at first to share so much time and space, but then I think we found some balance. The last few days I've really been looking forward to today. I want to watch whatever I want when I want, go back to sleep, eat when and what I want, research and grow. I have several lists of things I can do by myself.
The two words going through my head right now are enmeshment and codependence. These are so true about Thomas and my current relationship. I'm scared, this is all new, but I want to know us as people who want each other, not who need each other for survival. That's what it's felt like all these years. We finally now have the change in circumstance that will allow us to explore new parts of ourselves and reunite each day with a new perspective.
I hope to take this time and discomfort and turn it into content. One of my goals is to generate enough income online so that Thomas can one day decide that he'd like to do the same. I'll help figure out the production model and then in a few years Thomas might join me in content creation. We both still want to tour in a tiny house and own a Waystone where we and our friends can live when not traveling.
All that being said, I've never seen Thomas so excited for anything. He will be working for Sound Mental Health as a clinician serving homeless clients in Seattle. When we were talking last night he said the only 2 things he'd change about the job is that he'd rather make $20 and hour vs $19 (which will go up in 6 months) and that he'd like to have more hands-on experience with homeless camps. When I suggested that he probably will be spending time in homeless camps because part of his job is to go out and find his clients, he lit up. Kind of like a 6 year old, eager to go on an adventure. The most important things for me right now is supporting us both in this great transition, I know he feels the same.
My name is Rebecca Elizabeth Webber and I am an applied anthropologist working to show humans how to achieve their sustainability goals.